Christmas Traditions

Last night we had a house full of my relatives for our annual Wige Christmas.  In years past our family got together every year on Christmas Eve.  Now we switch it up every other year in a way to compromise.  It gets difficult when people get married into other families and their traditions.  My Mom was the one to start this tradition for our family, hosting it at my parent’s house each year.  She would put on a huge spread of food and the rest of us would bring desserts or appetizers.  Mom loved to buy gifts for everyone, starting months in advance.  She would have a budget and took great delight in finding the perfect gift for the lowest price.  In fact, she passed away in May of 2007, the day before she died she was shopping for Christmas gifts, to the delight of those who received gifts that year.  All of us adult “kids” would exchange names and buy gifts for our person.  With the economy turn we have switched to doing a “white elephant” gift exchange.  The kids in years past would be overindulged with gifts from everyone, now they get one or 2 gifts.  My Dad no longer spends Christmas in Minnesota so it is up to my generation to keep the tradition going.

  Even since a few years before my Mom passed away, our family started meeting at my house.  It stresses me out to have the whole big fancy meal so we started doing just the desserts and appetizers.  This year we had all Chinese food and it was fantastic.  It seems like we are finally making something of our own for our family get together.  It has taken a few years to let go of the expectations we had, because of how my Mom had made Christmas so special for all of us.  We laughed and ate way too much, enjoying each other’s company. 

Today is Christmas Eve and I actually have no stress, it’s lovely.  I spent some time wrapping presents and being leisurely.  Our church met for a beautiful Christmas Eve service in the afternoon.  Upon returning home we all raided the leftover food from last night’s party, put on our jammies and watched “The Nativity Story”.  The kids will bug us until we relent to letting them open one present tonight.  We’ll wake early tomorrow morning and wait while Drew makes our latte’s .  We’ll take our time opening gifts one by one.  Sometime during the gift opening, I will put some cinnamon rolls in the oven and we’ll take a break to eat a healthy breakfast including that and some Captain Crunch cereal.  With nowhere to go, we’ll see how long we can make it staying in our pjs.  Silly little things but these are the traditions that we love.

Birthday Celebrations

Yesterday we celebrated the 14th birthday of our daughter Ellie.  Our family has a tradition where the birthday person chooses the birthday supper.  Ellie chose lasagna (which is her usual choice).  Another part of our family birthday celebration is playing the praise game.  Each person takes a turn telling something they like about the birthday person or something kind they have done for them.  As we all took turns telling our favorite things about Ellie, I was thinking about how easy it is to find things about her to praise.  Ellie is an unusual young lady.  She isn't anything that I thought a teenage girl would be like - no drama, tears,extreme hormones, or attitude.  She is not perfect by any means but she is very quick to work through her sins and weaknesses.  She is consistently working at her relationships with her brothers, friends, us parents and with the Lord.  Even as a small child, I would look at her and she would well up with tears if she knew she was doing something wrong.  She is definitely what I would call a "heart" person.  She loves little children and adults alike.  Her compassion and empathy for people is very obvious to those of us who have the privilege of living with her.  On the other hand, Ellie is fearless.  Kaley shared last night that she appreciates how Ellie will kill bugs for her - they both live in our basement and bugs show up occasionally.  Ellie also has shown strength of character with her recent scoliosis diagnosis.  It's not that she is not afraid of anything, but she really understands that she has a Father in heaven that she can trust no matter what life throws her way.  I believe she has such a strong understanding of God because her Earthly Father is so strong, trustworthy and kind.  Even at 14, Ellie still loves to run and jump into her Daddy's arms.

This morning I was reading in Luke, just after Mary had given birth, then shepherds and wise men came, angels were singing and praising God.  Luke 2:19 says "But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart."    Jesus was but a baby and Mary could not possible know all that would happen with his life and death.  She couldn't have understood that he would take on the sins of the world in his tragic death but be resurrected to life again, giving the world hope.  That this little baby would still be changing peoples lives mores than 2000 years later.  I wonder if at each of Jesus's birthdays his family would take turns sharing their favorite things about him.  How could they even imagine that He was God's plan of salvation.  That all of us would fall short of ever being good enough and would need the sacrifice of the blood of Jesus to wash us clean as snow.  This gift that is free but which so many choose not to accept.  As the celebration of Jesus's birth draws near, these are the things that I appreciate and want to acknowledge and praise Jesus for:  his extravagant love for me, the home He is preparing in heaven for me, his unconditional love and example He is to me, and most of all, that He would willing leave the glory of heaven to come down to Earth to "dwell among us".  It is a privilege to be an adopted child in His family and be a witness of His amazing character.  Happy Birthday Jesus!

Missing Mom

With the holiday season coming up, I find myself thinking about my Mom more than normal.  This will be our 5th holiday season since she died and it has never been the same.  My Mom was definitely the glue that held our family together and I never appreciated enough how much work she put into every holiday to make it  special.  I try to keep up the traditions as much as possible but I fall short in so many ways.

As a kid I never gave Thanksgiving, or Christmas for that matter, a second thought.  We would get together with my Grandparents and Aunts, Uncles and cousins.  The food would be amazing - especially the desserts.  We would play games or football if it were nice out.  It just seemed so easy.  I didn't realize the planning that happened before hand, all the time that everyone put into preparing the menu and the food.  I was blissfully unaware if there was any kind of family conflict.  I didn't know if any one person felt too much of the work was falling on their shoulders.  I barely noticed who set everything out or how it got cleaned up, unless I was asked to help.  I had no idea that someone put hours into cleaning and decorating before any guests (family) showed up.  I just showed up, ate some great food and left the home of my Grandparents or went to my room if the festivities were at our house.  Who knew that once everyone left the house had to be cleaned up again before the host could rest.

It wasn't until years later that I sensed from my Mom that she didn't necessarily enjoy all the work that went into pulling off a great holiday meal.  In fact, thinking back, I can remember a few times that the turkey was really dry or something else went wrong with my Moms cooking.  As a Mom now I can look back and realize that quite a bit of what we did was actually stressful on my Mom.  Maybe it was the subtle or not so subtle way she said "Why do we even do this?  Lets just go out to eat."  I thought she was kidding but I'm starting to realize that she might not have been.

 My Mom was from the 50's she was suppose to be able to whip up a meal and make it look easy.  Even when her health started slowing her down and she asked me to host holidays, she still brought most of the food.  The rest of us brought side dishes and desserts, you can't have too many sweets.  Now that my Mom is no longer here, and my Dad leaves Minnesota long before the holidays start, it's my siblings families and mine carrying on tradition.  I feel like I need to make the holiday meals just like my Mom did.  Maybe it's because I admire my Mom so much that I want to be like her.  Maybe it's just a small way to make me feel like she is still here with us.   I want my house to be as spic and span as my Mom's house would be.  I want it to have the same warm feeling and smells that remind me so much of my Mom.  I want my guests to feel as welcome as my Mom always made people feel in her home.   It can all feel a little overwhelming.

Thanksgiving is less than a week away and not much thought has gone into it, my family is very good about waiting until the last minute.  My house is a mess.  My brother that lives with us has big plans for his dessert he's making and probably has to special order some strange ingredient that goes into it.  He is the gourmet cook, fun to try his creations but honestly we are just plain folk around here.  I haven't talked to my other brother to see if they will be here or what time they can come.  I'm not sure what my sister is bringing but she is a far better cook then I am.  I'm not sure who else will make it that are in Minnesota but we'll set a plate for them if they come.

I know people say you make a new normal when a family member dies, but this "normal" feels so forced.  I miss the way it used to be.  Mom, I understand now why I found you crying in the kitchen after your parents had passed away.  I tried to cheer you up by saying "What's the big deal, they're dancing in heaven?"  I get it now why that made you so angry.  You were not ready for a new normal without them any more then I am ready for my new normal.  You did such a great job passing a new normal on to us kids.  I hope that I am successful in passing this normal on to my kids so that they cherish their holiday memories.

Mom, I will think of you feasting at the banquet table in heaven this Thanksgiving.  I have much to be thankful for and at the top of my list is having had a Mom who showed me how to serve and how to love.  I miss you like crazy and look forward to that day when we will feast together in eternity.