Follow-up to Cameroon

I had forgotten about this blog, but signed on so I could comment on a friends blog. I was shocked to see how many people have looked at these blogs in the past year. Last month over 200 people looked at my old blog - from all over the world! When I first started writing, my purpose was to keep my friends and family informed about our trip to Cameroon and fill in all the fun details of living there. I loved watching the stats and getting feedback from my friends, especially during some of the lonelier days. It seems very amusing to me that anyone else would find any of this interesting.

Since we have returned home, life has gone on at the same crazy speed as ever. One difference that shows me that we will never be the same from our experience we shared as a family- a day does not go by that one of us does not reference a memory from Africa. I love that we will always have these amazing memories. We are constantly comparing our days in Minnesota to what they were like in Cameroon. We all share the longing we have to see our friends that will always have a place in our hearts. Another change that I see is that our prayer life is a little richer - oh how I would love to have the depth of prayer that some of our African friends have. The missionaries that we have met along the way (especially those who were our neighbors), are prayed for as if they were family. I have so much respect and admiration for the missionaries that are working side by side with our brothers and sisters in Cameroon bringing God's Word to the ends of Cameroon (and beyond). I honestly cannot think of any other 3 month time of my life that had a greater impact on me or my family. My faith deepened, my eyes were opened to what the "true" missionaries do on a day to day basis and all that they give up for the Kingdom of God. I am stirred to be discontent with who I am and settling for living a "comfortable" life. I'm constantly praying and asking God what he wants to do through my life here in Minnesota. Asking and waiting for clear answers but seeing my family as my main ministry. I see my job of discipling my kids as an even greater calling. My children have been changed in ways I never could have imagined - I am excited to see all that will mean as they spread their wings and explore the path that God will take them on as young adults.

It has been over a year since our whole family returned from our great adventure.  This past January (exactly one year from the date we went last year) - Kyle and Drew returned to Cameroon to work on a concrete project in Bamenda.  This was not in our plan but when the opportunity came they just could not refuse.    The time they spent there was quite different than our time in Ndu and there were not the daily blog of all that they did.  Two other men from our church joined them for 2 of the weeks that they were there.  Kyle and Drew added a 3rd week and headed up to see our friends in Ndu again.  It was encouraging for them to connect again with many of the people that had imprinted themselves on our lives.  They also made new friends in Bamenda.  Drew told me of a family that had them over a few times for pizza and fellowship - missionaries from the states who have been in Cameroon for 20 years or so.  He said I would love meeting the wife - and that we would certainly be good friends.  Sadly, Karen Jackson died recently  - leaving her husband and daughters (and the whole Jackson Village) mourning their loss.  Even though I had never met her, I found myself mourning with them and looking forward to that day when I shall meet her.  Her death has challenged me.   I read of the joy that all those who knew of her talk about, of the dedication she had towards her family and her extended "village", of her deep love for her Savior and how that love drove her to show Christ to those around her.  She lived her life to the fullest and there will be a large whole left in this world.   She was only a few years older than I - and I am reminded that life is short.  Her life and their blog have challenged me to want to be a brighter light and to take more risks as I live a life fully sold out for our Lord Jesus.  As I see all the people from all over the world searching for something new to read.... I hope that they will come across one of my blogs and find encouragement and hope.

My family often talks of how we long to return to Cameroon... but actually, I believe we are longing for our home in Heaven.  Cameroon showed us a glimpse of the fellowship we can share with believers from all areas of the world.... Heaven will be that and so much more.  I can't wait for that ADVENTURE!!!!

Looking Towards the Goal

Just 2 months have gone by since we walked out the door of our home in Minnesota starting our adventure. I would like to think that we are all changed and transformed people, and I'm sure we are to some degree. The reality is that I have discovered more of my selfishness and my sinful heart than I would have by staying in my busy lifestyle at home in the middle of my comfort. I wouldn't have had to face the fact that I really don't like to be uncomfortable or outside of my control. I could just go on joking about how much I like to have my way, instead of seeing how ugly that really is. I don't know why I was born in a country and own a home that is huge by these standards. I'm not a more valuable person because I live in a land of comfort. I hope that I will appreciate even the smallest comfort once I go home, but honestly I doubt it will take long before I settle back into my life of expectations. What do I do with the fact that I live with plenty, when others live in want? People that I have met and walked with, if even for a short time, will continue in their struggles and I will go home to my easy life. I have no answers, it doesn't change their lives if I should sell everything I own, even if I gave it all to them. It wouldn't give them better plumbing or an endless supply of food, they would still have dust on everything. Both here and there we would be tempted to fill our time with things that do not satisfy. Which leads me to the fact that it is all pointless. If all our life is about our accumulation of "stuff" and we forget that we are made to bring God glory with our lives, than we're missing out. I've seen some wonderful examples of people who understand that here in Africa, with the full time missionaries and many students who have committed their lives to serving Christ. I want to bring home a little of that zeal and that purpose as I too fix my eyes on the goal before me.

Philippians 3:13-16 (The Message
"Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to JESUS. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision - you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it.

Pray for us as we end our time in Ndu, Cameroon and prepare to reenter our life in Minnesota and the mission God has for us there.

Saturday Evening Post

Had a lovely night with the Schroth family at our home in Ndu. It's been a long week but a good one in many ways. Ellie was recruiting painters for the child care center so I went and painted benches. Drew poured some steps today - I'm hoping to post his progress with pictures one of these days. One thing I have noticed is how little garbage our family generates here in Cameroon. At home it would not be uncommon for us to have at least one large kitchen garbage bag a day plus a bin of recycled items. Since we have been in this house, we have had one small target size bag for 3 - 4 days. We have eaten plenty of food but very little is packaged. We also keep a slop bucket for Martha's pig. Our refrigerator is quite small so we try not to have too many leftovers. Drew has brought leftovers to the men he works with just so we don't have to deal with them. This works well especially when it's a meal we maybe didn't care for too much because it was too authentic Cameroonian, which means the other workers love it. Today I met our new cook Irene - she is lovely and very cheerful. The house we are living in used to be her uncle's house so she is familiar with the kitchen. Clovis was here today putting in shelves for me outside our bathroom, he'll be back on Monday to put up shelves in the kitchen. He is a student here at CBTS and can use the extra income. It's starting to feel like a home. Tonight we had 4 extra kids and their parents - loved having all the action in here. We thrive around people and I'm so thankful we can use this home to entertain and fellowship with others here in Ndu.

Unmet Expectations

Yesterday was a long day and I feel into bed exhausted. Today will be more of the same: there are more linens to wash and I need to find some order to my new home. I'm trying not to be discouraged but I'm not really succeeding. This is our 4th place to stay since leaving our house in MN 2 weeks ago - each place has gotten progressively worse.

I talked to Ancela this morning (she was one of our cooks last week), she told me that her truck was stolen. Her kids use this truck to get water and now they have to carry it on their heads. The pump that brings water to their home is turned on only once a week - at which time they fill every container they have to use throughout the week. It did put my problems in perspective though after talking with her. This home (and the teams home) has a couple of large barrels that fill up when the pump is one, so we have never had to go without water (yet). We have water whenever we turn on the sinks but we also have leaks whenever we turn on the sinks. Drew plans to look at the problem tonight but it is hard to find parts - you can't just run to Home Depot. The person who "fixed" the leaks before used a plastic bag and some scotch tape... now wonder it didn't work. There is a little Hardware shack that I have bought a number of items from, so we will try there first.

My friend Andrea (here with her family from Edmonton, Alberta in Canada for 1 month)and I were discussing this problem with our expectations this morning. It doesn't bother me much when the electricity goes off - we expect it to. At home, I would never put up with my electricity going off on a daily basis. Even here, I have an expectation (although unmet), that my sinks should drain without leaking and my toilet should flush, yet the people living right next to me do not have that same expectation. For me, I should lower those expectations if I am to find any joy in this journey.

Some things that I am struggling with in this new home are: the ants, cock roaches, lack of storage space, the leaky EVERYTHING, the showers and toilets... but I know that with a little (or a lot) of work we can make this place feel like home. We can get some shelves built and fix the leaks to bless whoever moves in after us. Ellie already has made an effort to make her room work for her - she is busy taping verses up all over her walls. My favorite one is Matthew 6:33
"...and He will give you ALL you need from day to day if you live for HIM and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern."

Sounds good - I just need to adjust my thinking on what a NEED is.

Our New Home

It was a long day today. The house we moved from isn't far but there is a hill to climb to get to this one. I get winded climbing the hill but I've had a good workout today with all the trips taken to bring stuff to our place... and sometimes bring stuff back down to the old place. I was washing linens and towels all day at the old place, preparing for the 4 teachers that are coming in a few weeks. I took one last "good" shower before moving up to our new home. All of those who have been living here know that that is actually kind of funny since the showers were less than ideal. We ate some of our left overs from the team at the old house and washed most of the kitchen down. I know I mentioned that it takes longer to do everything but I will try to explain what that looks like. The water needs to be heated on the stove for dish washing and rinsing. Although, I was so thankful today that our house had it's own tank and it still had plenty of water. The pump was not working on the water tank that the campus uses and all day long there were people (mostly children), walking by our house on the way to the stream to get water. They carry it on their heads and it's quite a long walk with such a load. I don't know how we will be affected by this in our new home, it has a tank but not sure how much water is in it. Tomorrow I will try to put our new home in order but for now all the beds are made and ready for us. I will sleep good tonight!

We Made It!

Thursday morning at 445am our family walked out our front door on the way to the airport.  Arriving at MSP airport, we were met by a stubborn UA employee who did not want to even consider that she could be wrong and we might actually be allowed 2 bags each.  I asked for a manager but she was the manager, so I paid the $350 and we were on our way.  I offered to pray for her because it seemed she was having a rough day but she refused.  We did talk to the travel agent and they are taking care of the bill problem, since it was booked under a special code for a contract with Wycliffe Associates.  We then flew to Chicago O'Hare airport, where the most exciting thing was their cool toilets.  You wave your hand over the back of the toilet and it automatically puts a clean plastic sheet around the toilet lid - awesome!  After hanging out there for a few hours we hopped on a plane to Newark, NJ - this is where my immediate family met 4 other girls from our team.  One of the ladies asked Levi how he liked his first time flying and he replied "It was pretty good, except I would have liked more leg room."  We thought that was pretty funny since he is only 4' 11''!  On this flight I sat by a woman who I thought looked familiar.  After talking a bit, I found out she is a missionary with Wycliffe in Papau New Guinea.  I felt like this was a divine appointment and peppered her with questions about the mission field.  I wanted to know how she KNEW that this is what she was called to do.  We had a great time and it turned out that I had seen her on one of the training sites for Wycliffe that I had been looking at in preparation for our trip.   Finally after flying all night, and watching free movies and getting lots of food (highlights for the kids) in a really nice plane we arrived in Brussels Belgium where we connected with the rest of our team (7 more members).  Everyone was pretty beat at that point so the layover was spent just hanging out with people napping in all kinds of places.  The last leg of our trip brought us to Yaounde', Cameroon where we arrived in time for a late supper here on Friday evening at the Wycliffe training sight.  There were a few other people we met along the way who are also making their way to Cameroon to do different missions work.  It has been a long day and I am beat - just thought I would update everyone that we are all okay.  EVERY SINGLE piece of luggage made it here!!! Praise God - My family alone had 20 pieces.  We have so many tools and gifts for people that couldn't be replaced - we couldn't be happier.  The kids enjoyed traveling... the rest of us endured it.  Tomorrow morning we have an orientation and can spend the day hanging out here in Yaounde' before we leave to go to Ndu.  That will be another adventure since it takes 2 days to drive there:)  We were surprised to be met at the airport by our friends Shelley and Gaston Kingue and their boys - they have been in another country in Africa and we did not think we would get to see them.  Everyone seems to be in good spirits.  I will be feeling better once I have my luggage repacked.  We mixed up everything just in case all the luggage didn't make it, then we would at least have something for all of us.  Now I just want to have all my things in one place.  You should have seen our van loaded with all our bags - Crazy!

Experimental Cooking

I have had so much on my mind lately that I just shut down and do nothing.  My house is a mess because I have started projects and then got distracted and never finished them.  We have one more week of our Homeschool Co-op.  I teach a Critical Thinking class so there are papers to be graded and I need to come up with a final grade for the 14 students in my class.  Thankfully, Drew has decided that helping me grade papers would keep me sane.  Last week I was stressing out trying to get all of our visa applications organized, it was not an easy task.  The visa application is sent, along with our passports, so now we just wait for them to return.  I have had numerous blogs fly through my mind but have not had time to capture them, so unfortunately most of them are gone forever.  With 4 weeks to go until our departure, I am attempting to take one day at a time.  That being said,  I am very distracted by thoughts of Africa and preparations that need to be made.  My brain is divided by what needs to happen to function today and my daydreaming about my future reality.

One of the great unknowns about our trip has to do with what happens once our team heads home.  Usually when you are with a team, a cook is provided and you are well cared for.  I was anticipating that I will feed my family as I do here in Minnesota.  At first I was getting a little distressed about what this would look like and thinking I might want to hire a cook for our family.  It could have to do with the fact that Kerry Bender has been to Ndu and told me about buying a lamb at the market, walking it home, feeding it for a few days and his daughter naming it.  Then one day, they (the locals) slaughtered the lamb and that was supper.  I love to cook from scratch but I have never gone that far back to the "natural".  The thought of killing my supper does freak me out a little.  I dealt with it by assuming there will be no way they could possibly expect me to cook under such conditions, so they must be providing a cook.  That would not be an unusual thing at all in Africa and it would actually help whoever we hired to earn some money for their family.

About a week ago, in the same email that gave the wonderful news that our housing would be half of what we had expected, there was a short note about me "not needing a cook".  Those words left me trembling.  I was talking to my computer even - "What do you mean, I don't need a cook?"  When I had finally composed myself, I simply replied that I couldn't possible kill my supper.  The answer I received left me somewhat relieved when I was advised that indeed I would not have to kill my supper.  After breathing a sigh of relief, I started wondering exactly what that means.  I envisioned how my cat leaves his "treasures" on our door step and wondered if I would find a carcass of some kind waiting for me to skin it and make stew.  I'm guessing not, but that is how my imagination goes.

Once I got over myself (again),  I started thinking about how our full house has been preparing me for this all along.  I would say most of the meals I make are what I call "experimental cooking".  I love to throw things together and use my favorite spices.  My family is very encouraging and most meals get the thumbs up.  Their biggest complaint is that I can't usually make the same meal twice.  Kyle keeps telling me to make my own cookbook.  I haven't had that same response from people outside of my home but I'm thankful my kids will eat anything I put before them.  I've been flipping through magazines and cookbooks feeling very inspired and excited to try my hand at African cooking.

As with most things concerning our upcoming trip to Cameroon, I have had to process and in the end I've come to a point of embracing that which I feared.  I think at this point I will be very disappointed if I am not cooking at least for my immediate family.  I look forward to finding unique treasures of local vegetables and fruits and creating some amazing meals.  The best part is, I will have my family surrounding me, hopefully with double "thumbs up".

A Blog about Blogging

Originally I wanted to blog because so many people had been asking how I would communicate while we were in Africa.  I thought I should get the hang of it before leaving since I would probably have more time and electricity to do that here in MN.  Occasionally I would read other blogs but I didn't actually follow any one blogger, I just read what happened to come across my path.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

 The more I blog the more I find myself interested in what others are blogging about.  I have one friend that has a blog a day.  I have no idea how she can come up with something interesting every day but somehow she does.  I sometimes have to wait until the end of the day to see what she has to say because she is waiting for a burst of inspiration but she never fails me.  Her mind is as random as mine so you never know what you will get.  She inspires me with her writing because I can see how some seemingly irrelevant thing will resonate with me, maybe my blog is doing the same to others.

Blogging is a little like scrapbooking but with words.  When I first start scrapbooking, I would see everything I did in life through the lens of a camera and what that would look like on a page.  Now as things happen in my day, I jot myself a note of what's happening if I think it might be blogger worthy at some point.   It does become a bit obsessive at times.  I can focus too much on how many people have read certain articles or if anyone bothered.  Sometimes I think I have something really important to share and just a few people take note.  I wonder what it is that will draw their attention, and laugh when it is "deep" things like toilets around the world.  I shared thoughts about missing my Mom, since I know that many of my friends have also lost their Moms and could relate to the feelings that I was having that day.  I guess that was too deep of a subject because very few even read it and the ones that did probably thought I was depressed or something.  Grief is weird, it shows up occasionally when you aren't expecting it and I chose to expose myself in hopes that it would encourage even one person going through a similar time.

The thing that has surprised me the most is how many people have told me certain things I have written have touched them or encouraged them.  I shouldn't be surprised because I have been encouraged by others in the same way.  I'm surprised sometimes by how much I have in common with events from other peoples lives.  I have had people comment on that about my blogs too, that they have been through the same thing or felt the same way or wanted to do the same thing that my family is doing or has done.  It's when I am the most transparent about myself that what I say resonates the most with a reader.  It's scary at times to be truly transparent and exposed.  I run the risk of judgement or being misunderstood by someone who is only getting a small glimpse into my life.  I think of that when I am reading other blogs, that I am just getting one snap shot and not read too much into that little piece of their life.

So fellow bloggers, keep up the good work!  Your words have encouraged me, they have made me laugh. Your words have given me food for thought as well as ideas for actual food/menu plans.  You have shared God's Word when I have needed it. You have given me fresh ideas and insight into my homeschool day.   You have reminded me of all I have to be thankful for and blogging has given me a place to share that.

Missing Mom

With the holiday season coming up, I find myself thinking about my Mom more than normal.  This will be our 5th holiday season since she died and it has never been the same.  My Mom was definitely the glue that held our family together and I never appreciated enough how much work she put into every holiday to make it  special.  I try to keep up the traditions as much as possible but I fall short in so many ways.

As a kid I never gave Thanksgiving, or Christmas for that matter, a second thought.  We would get together with my Grandparents and Aunts, Uncles and cousins.  The food would be amazing - especially the desserts.  We would play games or football if it were nice out.  It just seemed so easy.  I didn't realize the planning that happened before hand, all the time that everyone put into preparing the menu and the food.  I was blissfully unaware if there was any kind of family conflict.  I didn't know if any one person felt too much of the work was falling on their shoulders.  I barely noticed who set everything out or how it got cleaned up, unless I was asked to help.  I had no idea that someone put hours into cleaning and decorating before any guests (family) showed up.  I just showed up, ate some great food and left the home of my Grandparents or went to my room if the festivities were at our house.  Who knew that once everyone left the house had to be cleaned up again before the host could rest.

It wasn't until years later that I sensed from my Mom that she didn't necessarily enjoy all the work that went into pulling off a great holiday meal.  In fact, thinking back, I can remember a few times that the turkey was really dry or something else went wrong with my Moms cooking.  As a Mom now I can look back and realize that quite a bit of what we did was actually stressful on my Mom.  Maybe it was the subtle or not so subtle way she said "Why do we even do this?  Lets just go out to eat."  I thought she was kidding but I'm starting to realize that she might not have been.

 My Mom was from the 50's she was suppose to be able to whip up a meal and make it look easy.  Even when her health started slowing her down and she asked me to host holidays, she still brought most of the food.  The rest of us brought side dishes and desserts, you can't have too many sweets.  Now that my Mom is no longer here, and my Dad leaves Minnesota long before the holidays start, it's my siblings families and mine carrying on tradition.  I feel like I need to make the holiday meals just like my Mom did.  Maybe it's because I admire my Mom so much that I want to be like her.  Maybe it's just a small way to make me feel like she is still here with us.   I want my house to be as spic and span as my Mom's house would be.  I want it to have the same warm feeling and smells that remind me so much of my Mom.  I want my guests to feel as welcome as my Mom always made people feel in her home.   It can all feel a little overwhelming.

Thanksgiving is less than a week away and not much thought has gone into it, my family is very good about waiting until the last minute.  My house is a mess.  My brother that lives with us has big plans for his dessert he's making and probably has to special order some strange ingredient that goes into it.  He is the gourmet cook, fun to try his creations but honestly we are just plain folk around here.  I haven't talked to my other brother to see if they will be here or what time they can come.  I'm not sure what my sister is bringing but she is a far better cook then I am.  I'm not sure who else will make it that are in Minnesota but we'll set a plate for them if they come.

I know people say you make a new normal when a family member dies, but this "normal" feels so forced.  I miss the way it used to be.  Mom, I understand now why I found you crying in the kitchen after your parents had passed away.  I tried to cheer you up by saying "What's the big deal, they're dancing in heaven?"  I get it now why that made you so angry.  You were not ready for a new normal without them any more then I am ready for my new normal.  You did such a great job passing a new normal on to us kids.  I hope that I am successful in passing this normal on to my kids so that they cherish their holiday memories.

Mom, I will think of you feasting at the banquet table in heaven this Thanksgiving.  I have much to be thankful for and at the top of my list is having had a Mom who showed me how to serve and how to love.  I miss you like crazy and look forward to that day when we will feast together in eternity.

Wilson

At the bridge

Who is Wilson??

Wilson's Home and Family

In 2005 Marie and I (Drew) went to Kenya on a 2 week short term mission trip to Kenya with Wycliffe Associates.  We went to a property they owned and were turning into a retreat/conference center.  Imagine your church or work is having a weekend retreat and renting the facilities of a YMCA camp or a church camp a little ways out of the city, that kind of place just a short distance outside of Nairobi. Then the facility could be used to generate income instead of just being an expense.  About a 1/4 mile down the road from the compound entrance was a little stream. most of the year cars could drive through it to go to the conference center. During the rainy season however, the stream was too deep, and too wide.  That turned a 1/2 hour trip to and from the city into a much longer trip.  In the African countryside, when the main road is shut down, finding another route is a little more involved than just going the other way around the block.  Not good for a retreat center business.

Having a background in concrete,  I was assigned to work on the little bridge.  They had hired a number of local men from a small nearby village to accomplish a lot of the construction that had been going on and the guys were mostly working on the bridge at this point because it was the most labor intensive thing happening. These guys had done an amazing job of hand hewing rock faced block out of small boulders(with hammers and chisels) and building some beautiful dorm buildings. Apparently however, no one had formed concrete up in the air. (Except the regional construction manger who had an engineering degree - but not the time to stay on one project.)  It's one thing to stake some 2" X 4"s into the ground and pour a sidewalk.  The wall that is behind Wilson and I in the "At the Bridge" picture however, would weigh about as much as 8 or 9 Chevy Suburbans.  To hold this much weight up in the air, you need to know what you're doing. Especially when the materials you're working with are what we would have used in America about 100 yrs ago.  The trip planners were happy "a concrete guy"  was on the trip that could form the first vertical wall and hopefully teach some one else to continue after the team left.

Last Day

Now we get to Wilson. Wilson(first name) was one of local guys working at the compound.  We met the the first day I worked on the bridge and hit it off from the start.  Wilson is also a believer and frequently would say "It is written . . . ."  and quote scripture, simply as a part of his normal everyday self.  He was filled with a joyful outlook on life, was encouraging to be around, and was a diligent hard worker.  Wilson was married and had 3 kids.  He invited Marie and I and a few others to his home to see his house that he was so proud of and meet his family.  When we got there we were warmly welcomed and noticed a few things as soon as we approached  and entered. First, Wilson's house, which was very nice by the standards of the average persons dwelling, is most easily described as a concrete block single car garage.  Second, when we entered the house we immediately could not miss the scripture verses written in chalk near the top of the walls all around the house.  Have you ever met someone who says "Jesus is my everything" or  "His word sustains me"??  I've often wondered how many times that's just Sunday morning Christian talk. Do they really mean it??  What does that really look like??  Travel with me to Kenya and I can introduce you to the real thing.  His name is Wilson.  Wilson was incredibly thankful for God's provision for his family.  Wilson made about $3 or $4 a day at his full time job with which to provide for that family.

Back to the bridge.  Seeing that Wilson and I hit it off so well and knowing his hard working diligence, Wilson basically got assigned to work with me on forming the wall.  Wilson, like many people (even 10 yr olds) in Africa can converse in 3 languages Swahili, English, and the  local tribal language.  And we can think we are so smart if we know 20 words of Spanish.  He hadn't, however, been to college or had any real form of what we would call "higher education".  But Wilson was a "sponge" for learning.  Forming Concrete "up in the air"  is basically a real life lesson in the physics of  masses and forces.  If a 20,000 lb section of your wall (and the lumber holding it) blows out or falls over it can get really expensive fast and can really injure someone.  Wilson and I were side by side for several days, and I did all I could to teach him about the foundation principles of containing that much mass and that much force.  To try and get him to follow the domino effect of "This is exerting force there, and it's traveling through this to that, so we must also brace here . . .    When you pour  the concrete,  watch here, if there is a weakness, it will be the first place to move . . ." and so on.  So much information, so little time.  Such a deep friendship, so little time

There were other things to be accomplished before Wilson and I formed the wall and I had to leave just a few work days before the pour.  I was actually really bummed to not be there for it.  I was told by e-mail that all went well and the forms held.  I was also told that Wilson, who learned in a week what it would usually take me a whole season to teach someone,  got what to him was a pretty big raise and was made the main forming guy for the rest of the project.  That was 6 years ago and in our fast pace american life that we live, I haven't inquired about Wilson for a few years.  Last I heard he was still a trusted foreman type employee who was joyfully thankful for a full time job that paid him for a days work what we could spend for a "lunch on the go".  He was still a living example of "Jesus is my everything" and "His word sustains me".  So little time, so much impact.  I still haven't figured out who's life was impacted more. Wilson and his family's, or mine?  Probably mine.

Top 10 Fears

The scriptures tell us over and over to "Fear Not", but the reality is we all have fears if we are honest.  Recently our Pastor Doug asked if our family would be willing to share our fears during his series on "Living Courageously".  Our first reaction was that we don't feel courageous and we  don't have very many fears.  Our trip to Africa just seems like a big adventure.  Trusting that Pastor Doug must have a reason for wanting us to share our story we decided to have a brainstorming session on what we might fear.  It was so good for us to do this because it made us realize we do have fears.  I don't believe God wants us to shove our fears down and pretend like they don't exist but to acknowledge fear and give it to Jesus.  I Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Pastor Doug's series on "Living Courageously" can be found in full by following the link below to Evergreen Community Church New Hope and check out their media section.  The day we shared he was talking about doing something CRAZY for God.  We definitely fit the "crazy" category.

 Here is a list of our families top 10 fears and who shared that fear.

10.  Levi is fearful of having an injury while in Cameroon and having to visit an emergency room.  With his track record of injuries this is a very real fear.  Please pray for protection for him and our whole team.

9.  Levi also has a fear that our plane will crash.  The kids have never been on an airplane so they feel a little anxious about this.  However, Levi did say that he would prefer the plane crash to going to an emergency room.  His reasoning is that if he dies he'll be ushered into the presence of Jesus and if he's in an emergency room it could be scary.

8.  Ellie is worried about being away from her friends for so long.

7.  Ellie is afraid of the unknown - not knowing what it will be like to be in another country, what kind of toilets we might have to use... and all the other stuff she doesn't know.

6.  Kyle has no fear but will miss playing piano every day  because this is how he worships.

5.  I (Marie) have practical fears:  Once the team leaves we will no longer be taken care of  with meals and laundry.  I believe I will have to prepare all of our meals and the food will be different then what we have here.  The laundry will need to be line dried, which wouldn't be that big of a deal.  Unfortunately, Tracey Hagman told me that in Africa there are moths or something that lay their eggs on laundry.  Body heat warms the eggs and the larvae burrow under your skin.  When we went to Kenya it was only 2 weeks so I made sure to have enough underwear for the whole time.  I think it is unrealistic to bring each of us 73 pairs of underwear... so I guess I will have undies hanging all over our bathroom.

4.  I do fear that I will get all caught up in doing this for the sake of the "purpose" rather than going on this trip because God is leading us.  I don't want to miss anything that He is trying to show me because I have my eyes on the wrong things.

3.  I fear that God might call us to go somewhere more permanently... and we would have to go because what I really fear is NOT obeying God.

2.  Drew fears that he will be asked to do something way beyond his skills or knowledge and that he will not meet their expectations.

1.  Our main fear for both Drew and I is that when we return from this amazing trip our old life will no longer make sense.  That we will be completely discontent with the way things are.  Really we want to be changed, but what does that look like?
  
We are just an ordinary family that is following an extraordinary and amazing God.... to the ends of the Earth if He asks us.  Our story is really about Him and how he can use anyone if we open our eyes to what He is doing.

This prayer is from 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12a:  "We keep on praying that our God will make us worthy of the life to which He called us.  We pray that God, by His power, will fulfill all our good intentions and faithful deeds.  Then everyone will give honor to the name of our Lord Jesus because of us"

http://www.evergreennewhope.com/media/audio_messages

Why Africa?

The whole reason I've started blogging is so that I can keep people informed about our activities in Africa.  I figure that I better know what I am doing before we set out or it might not happen.  That being said, I'll give you a little background on our decision to take our family to Africa.

  

Back in 2005, our church had a team go to Kenya to work with Wycliffe Associates.  Eric and Tracey Hagman are missionaries in Kenya and our trip was in part to support and encourage them because their family was originally from Evergreen Community Church.  Drew and I were on that team and it really was life changing.  There is something about working alongside these people who had very little, yet more joy than I could even imagine.  It was inspiring and humbling to  listen to them thank God for all their riches and quote scripture knowing they were truly Words of Life.  I realize in a 2 week trip you get the "honeymoon" version of what a country is like but we were determined to return to Africa.  As we talked we decided that when our kids were old enough we would come back to Africa with them so that they could experience this first hand.  When Chris was younger we had gone on a mission trip with him to Honduras and found that to be a very worthwhile investment.  So our plan was made and life went on.

Fast forward 6 years, to January 2011.  The economy has been in a several year slump and we are feeling it.  Drew works in seasonal construction and has to worker harder than ever for less money than ever.  We're doing okay but it's definitely by the grace of God and we surely don't have EXTRA.  One day as I was praying for our friends in Africa while walking on my treadmill this thought came blazing into my mind.  "If you are ever going to take your kids back to Africa like you said, the time is now."  It was that clear.  Being the logical one that I am, all I could think was - That would be impossible.  Right about then, the song came on with the line "He can move a mountain..."  Wow, did I believe that God could move a mountain?  I felt really challenged by that thought as I prayed more about the possibility of us taking our kids to Africa.  In my mind, I pictured just the 5 of us going and staying near Eric and Tracey.  I thought the kids and I could work at Heshima with Tracey, and Drew could do construction with Eric.  We had been there before so it didn't seem too risky.

Once I had this great idea figured out in my head I went upstairs to talk to Drew about it.  Now here is what I love about this man.  He could have laughed at me or said "No way" or just ignored me.  He looked at me and said "Wow, that would be great.  You're right, there is no way we could do that without God making a way for us to.  I think we should pray as a family for 2 weeks and see if we still should move forward."
So we prayed and prayed (all 5 of us) for 2 weeks.  At the end of the 2 weeks we sent an email to Eric to see if it would even work.  He copied our email on to Michael Wahl with Wycliffe Associate (Volunteer Coordinator).  We laid our plans before the Lord and he took our willingness.  Michael called us right away and said it wouldn't work for us to go to Kenya but would we consider going to Cameroon?  Cameroon sounded almost as good, since we had another couple from our church moving there.  Then he asked if we could get a team together...Okay.  This wasn't really what we had in mind but our good friends Jon and Julie Sybrant agreed to co-lead a team with us.  There are 16 people in our team!  We thought we were just dipping our toes into the water to see if there was a need and suddenly things are happening.  We still had no idea where we would come up with the money.

Well, I'm here to say that God really can move a mountain when it is part of His plan.  We had prayed for things before that just seemed to go on empty ears after years of laying it before God.  I don't know why this is so important to Him or even why he would chose to use me and my family - I'm just along for the ride.  With each step of faith we have taken on this journey the money has come in at just the right time.  We have been blown away with the generosity of people, some we don't even know!  The more we planned the clearer it became to us that we should stay longer than the team.  There are a lot of projects going on in Cameroon and we have the time.  The biggest expense is the airline tickets so in our mind we might as well get our moneys worth and stay until mid-March.  Since making this decision to stay 10 1/2 weeks I have heard a few different speakers talk about the 6 week point being very difficult in a new land.  I really believe this is going to bring us closer as a family and cause us to cling to Jesus in a whole new way.

Thoughts on Parenting

I had this epiphany the other day: So much of who I am is wrapped up in being a Mom, which in my case is homeschooling and raising my kids. I can hardly think of myself outside of those terms. I'm sure this is why I can start feeling anxious when I think time is going by at warp speed and I realize I can't slow it down. We really only have a handful of years left with our kids at home. Have I done enough to help them prepare for life? What will I do when they are all gone? Then it hit me, my overall purpose will not change. My purpose all along has been to live my life to give God glory and to be faithful with the job he has given me. For the past 23 years, my full time job has been being Mom to my 4 kids. My job will change but I'm confident that God will make my new job just as clear. Ephesians 2:10 says "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Being a Mom has definitely been the most fulfilling thing I have done... and also the most challenging. It seems my failures have taught me far more than actually getting it right the first time. When Drew and I married, I was a single Mom with a 5 year old son (Chris). Being a young Mom I really did strive to do my best, but looking back I could have done so much better for him. Hind sight is 20/20 and the reality is, I did the best with what I knew. Good thing Chris is blessed with a great sense of humor because we often refer to him as our "experimental child". The poor first born, what they have to put up with.

Not long ago, I dropped by the worksite where I was suppose to meet Drew. He was not there but I chatted with the homeowner for a few minutes. She told me there were just 2 men there and I realized one of them was Chris. I told her that Chris was my son. She looked at me with this huge smile and said "He's your son? What a nice young man he is!" That warmed this Mom's heart! We have had some long hard years with him and it's so encouraging to be seeing the other side of those hard times.

Drew and I have had the advantage of having 8 years between our eldest and the next child. We've been able to look at what we wished we would have done better and what we think we did right. We also realized we better get it right because our last 3 are all just 3 years and 3 months apart. I don't dwell too much on my failures - I really see them as opportunities for me to change.

Here are some lessons we have learned:

1. Make the most of the time I have with my kids - it does go by fast!

2. Live according to our own convictions - not what other people think is best.

3. Surround ourselves with like minded families.

4. Treat my kids the way I want to be treated.

5. See them each as unique individuals - enjoy how God created them.

6. When I hurt them or fail, be quick to ask forgiveness and get our relationship right!

7. Let natural consequences teach them - resist the urge to bail them out before the lesson is learned.

8. Pray with them and for them.

9. Be united as a team (Drew and I).

10. Show them in the way we live that God really is our Everything!

Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to make the most of our time, so that we may grow in wisdom." I realize I still have much to learn and I'm thankful to have the opportunity to raise these kids to make a difference in this world. As they are all becoming young people, capable of doing so much, it's easy to think that my job is done. I don't want to prematurely let go of the wheel. I want to finish strong this job marked out for me. I realize we're shifting to more of a coaching role so I guess I better brush up on my coaching skills.