With the holiday season coming up, I find myself thinking about my Mom more than normal. This will be our 5th holiday season since she died and it has never been the same. My Mom was definitely the glue that held our family together and I never appreciated enough how much work she put into every holiday to make it special. I try to keep up the traditions as much as possible but I fall short in so many ways.
As a kid I never gave Thanksgiving, or Christmas for that matter, a second thought. We would get together with my Grandparents and Aunts, Uncles and cousins. The food would be amazing - especially the desserts. We would play games or football if it were nice out. It just seemed so easy. I didn't realize the planning that happened before hand, all the time that everyone put into preparing the menu and the food. I was blissfully unaware if there was any kind of family conflict. I didn't know if any one person felt too much of the work was falling on their shoulders. I barely noticed who set everything out or how it got cleaned up, unless I was asked to help. I had no idea that someone put hours into cleaning and decorating before any guests (family) showed up. I just showed up, ate some great food and left the home of my Grandparents or went to my room if the festivities were at our house. Who knew that once everyone left the house had to be cleaned up again before the host could rest.
It wasn't until years later that I sensed from my Mom that she didn't necessarily enjoy all the work that went into pulling off a great holiday meal. In fact, thinking back, I can remember a few times that the turkey was really dry or something else went wrong with my Moms cooking. As a Mom now I can look back and realize that quite a bit of what we did was actually stressful on my Mom. Maybe it was the subtle or not so subtle way she said "Why do we even do this? Lets just go out to eat." I thought she was kidding but I'm starting to realize that she might not have been.
My Mom was from the 50's she was suppose to be able to whip up a meal and make it look easy. Even when her health started slowing her down and she asked me to host holidays, she still brought most of the food. The rest of us brought side dishes and desserts, you can't have too many sweets. Now that my Mom is no longer here, and my Dad leaves Minnesota long before the holidays start, it's my siblings families and mine carrying on tradition. I feel like I need to make the holiday meals just like my Mom did. Maybe it's because I admire my Mom so much that I want to be like her. Maybe it's just a small way to make me feel like she is still here with us. I want my house to be as spic and span as my Mom's house would be. I want it to have the same warm feeling and smells that remind me so much of my Mom. I want my guests to feel as welcome as my Mom always made people feel in her home. It can all feel a little overwhelming.
Thanksgiving is less than a week away and not much thought has gone into it, my family is very good about waiting until the last minute. My house is a mess. My brother that lives with us has big plans for his dessert he's making and probably has to special order some strange ingredient that goes into it. He is the gourmet cook, fun to try his creations but honestly we are just plain folk around here. I haven't talked to my other brother to see if they will be here or what time they can come. I'm not sure what my sister is bringing but she is a far better cook then I am. I'm not sure who else will make it that are in Minnesota but we'll set a plate for them if they come.
I know people say you make a new normal when a family member dies, but this "normal" feels so forced. I miss the way it used to be. Mom, I understand now why I found you crying in the kitchen after your parents had passed away. I tried to cheer you up by saying "What's the big deal, they're dancing in heaven?" I get it now why that made you so angry. You were not ready for a new normal without them any more then I am ready for my new normal. You did such a great job passing a new normal on to us kids. I hope that I am successful in passing this normal on to my kids so that they cherish their holiday memories.
Mom, I will think of you feasting at the banquet table in heaven this Thanksgiving. I have much to be thankful for and at the top of my list is having had a Mom who showed me how to serve and how to love. I miss you like crazy and look forward to that day when we will feast together in eternity.
African outfits
Our crazy family
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Random thoughts about Noah and the Ark
I think it's interesting that anyone can write a blog and whoever reads it gets just a tiny glimpse of what that person is like. Blog about something deep and spiritual things and people think you are deep and spiritual. Blog about selfish or evil things and people may think you're shallow or evil. I could blog about things I have done and people would be shocked. I could choose to just blog about every good thing I have ever been a part of and give the idea that I am close to perfect. The truth is we all are human and have failed and had to pick up the pieces from choices or beliefs we have had. We will fail in the future and our kids will fail at times. No one is without sin and we all fall short. I try to be honest with my blogs and not give a false idea of who I am. I also use caution at times so I don't expose how truly corrupt my mind can be. My family has a front row seat to how random my thoughts can be and now others get to share a little of what goes on in my mind.
Yesterday I shared the story of our adoption journey and how even though we jumped through all the hoops we never actually adopted a child. I tried really hard to make it happen but some things just can't be forced. I know of people who were not even looking to adopt and suddenly they find themselves adopting, as if God just had it all planned out and they had no choice. I envy those stories.
I remember a friend telling me that "God brought the animals to Noah". She was talking about a completely different situation but the thought struck home with our adoption journey. Noah was just a man - even though the Bible tells us he was a righteous man. The Bible only gives us about 4 chapters that talk about Noah, building an ark, the flood and starting over. About 120 years took place from when God told Noah to build the ark until the flood. I have screwed up quite a bit in my 47 years so I can only imagine that Noah had his share of screw ups during his long life. The one mistake we know of is when he was so drunk he embarrassed himself, but he must have done more then that. I wonder if at some point Noah took things into his own hands and went out to try to gather the animals and force them in the ark? Did he doubt that he had heard from God at all? Did he ever want to give up? Did his sons wander off for a while and sew their wild oats and then come back to help their Dad? Was his wife completely supportive about his building project? I wonder about the things that are not said. I love that Noah obeyed God and followed his plan... I love that it is a foreshadowing of God's plan of salvation through Jesus. I just really wish that Noah would have kept a blog.
Yesterday I shared the story of our adoption journey and how even though we jumped through all the hoops we never actually adopted a child. I tried really hard to make it happen but some things just can't be forced. I know of people who were not even looking to adopt and suddenly they find themselves adopting, as if God just had it all planned out and they had no choice. I envy those stories.
I remember a friend telling me that "God brought the animals to Noah". She was talking about a completely different situation but the thought struck home with our adoption journey. Noah was just a man - even though the Bible tells us he was a righteous man. The Bible only gives us about 4 chapters that talk about Noah, building an ark, the flood and starting over. About 120 years took place from when God told Noah to build the ark until the flood. I have screwed up quite a bit in my 47 years so I can only imagine that Noah had his share of screw ups during his long life. The one mistake we know of is when he was so drunk he embarrassed himself, but he must have done more then that. I wonder if at some point Noah took things into his own hands and went out to try to gather the animals and force them in the ark? Did he doubt that he had heard from God at all? Did he ever want to give up? Did his sons wander off for a while and sew their wild oats and then come back to help their Dad? Was his wife completely supportive about his building project? I wonder about the things that are not said. I love that Noah obeyed God and followed his plan... I love that it is a foreshadowing of God's plan of salvation through Jesus. I just really wish that Noah would have kept a blog.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Unanswered prayers
Those of you who have been friends with us for years know about our adoption journey that never happened. November is National Adoption month, so each year I am reminded that what I thought was God's plan for our family didn't happen the way the I had anticipated. I know that had we adopted we probably would not be going on this extended trip to Africa with our kids. I'm not "happy" that we did not adopt so that I can give our kids this amazing opportunity. We all had looked forward to having a bigger family and I know that 'adoption' would have been an amazing opportunity had God given us that chance. I trust that God will use me to help the orphans in whatever way I can and that his way is perfect.
Actually it was difficult at first to believe that we would be able to go to Africa together. Circumstances alone made me doubt that we would ever be able to come up with the money that is needed. I at one point had believed so strongly that God would want us to adopt children. When it didn't happen, it left me wondering if I had heard from him at all. I wanted to have the faith that God would provide a way to go to Cameroon but at the same time I felt uncertain based on the past. I may never know why God chose to close doors on what we thought was his will, but I do not regret that we took the steps of obedience in trying to reach that goal.
Back in 2006, Drew and I had attended an adoption informational meeting thinking we would love to adopt internationally. Well, to be honest, I wanted to adopt internationally. Drew was along to get information and hadn't given it too much thought. Ever since I was young I had been drawn to other cultures. Drew and I had been to Mexico, Honduras, Dominican Republic and Africa and the children were always the thing that impacted me the most. After our informational meeting that evening in January 2006, I saw my husband gain a new passion for the orphans. I knew it was serious when he went home and wrote more than a page in his journal. We both believed that we would one day be the parents of a child from another country. As we prayed about it, the biggest decision was what agency to go through. I searched the internet and asked everyone I knew who had adopted internationally. International adoption is very expensive but we were doing pretty well at the time and knew that God would provide for us if this was his leading. The week that we sent our application in to the agency still seems unreal. We sent in the paperwork and a few days later Drew got a call that he no longer had a job. He had worked as a foreman in the concrete business for the same company for 17 years. Our application was not accepted due to the job loss, we had to put a hold on our plans for international adoption.
We continued to pray about adopting and the thought burned in my heart all the time. The next couple of years were tough ones for our family. Our teenage son brought us through some difficult days with the choices he was making. The good that came out of that was how much we learned as parents. His teen years actually highlighted many things in our parenting that could use improvement. Our 3 younger children have definitely benefited from the support group we attended during those long years. I also believed that the training we got during that time was good preparation for bringing adopted children into our lives. We had some things happen with our younger boys that had us on our knees as well. It just felt like we could barely catch our breath and something else was happening. Through it all Drew and I were there for each other and clung to Jesus like never before. I have never felt such an intense battle going on around me. It was also during some of the worst of this time that my Mom's illness took a turn and she died suddenly. God knew all the things that we would be going through and spared us from bringing a child into the middle of our chaos. It would have been very difficult for any child to come into this and understand that it had nothing to do with them. Obviously, the time was now for us to focus on our family and on helping our children deal with grief as well as walk that unknown path myself.
Time went on and I realized that things were calm around our home again. The kids were growing, Chris was on his own and we were not getting any younger. Drew had been working but not making nearly the money he had been making, so International adoption was out of the question. My heart still yearned for the orphan. Every time I read a verse about orphans I prayed that God would show us a way to bring one (or more) into our home. Drew and I decided we were at a better place and should pursue adoption again. MN Waiting kids seemed like a great place to start once we realized how many kids right here in Minnesota need good homes. We applied with an agency and started jumping through all the hoops that need to happen before bringing a child into your home. Drew missed days of work for training and we were assigned a social worker. She was wonderful and we spent lots of time with her. Our children also had a social worker assigned to them to see if they were on board with our adoption plans. They all were but all 3 of the younger ones just wanted to make sure the child wasn't too noisy - we laughed pretty hard about that because they are pretty noisy themselves. We spent money on back ground checks and fingerprinting. We made sure our house was up to code and checked off everything that was required of us. Then we waited... and waited. We got several calls but never second calls. Life was going along quite fast and we just knew it was all in God's timing so we were not worried. We even had a bunch of our closest friends and family come over for a support meeting and a chance for our social worker to see the awesome people we have surrounding us. During all of this we prayed constantly that God would use our home to be a place of refuge and a place of healing. We prayed that he would close any doors that would not be the best for our family. We prayed for the children that we hadn't yet met but who we couldn't wait to love. We prayed for protection for our children as well as any child coming into our home. We prayed that we could be the best parents, ready to meet any challenge.
After almost 3 years of classes, preparing and waiting, it was once again time to renew our fingerprints and back ground study. This costs money so we were wondering how many more times we would have to do this. One day we received a call that our social worker had been laid off, as well as 12 other social workers. We were shocked - not only because we really had grown to care for her but because she had been there 20 years. Our new social worker called and said she wanted to meet with us and since our paper work was 3 years old, she thought it would be best to start over with the paper work. I felt so discouraged because it is so much work to fill out all those papers. I told her I would call her back after I talked it over with Drew. The next day my older brother called and asked if he could live with us for a while. We had 2 empty bedrooms so we invited him to stay as long as he needed. A few days later, Drew's brother's daughter called. She was in college and her housing fell through so she needed a place to stay. The basement room by my daughter's was available and so she moved in. Suddenly our house was full and we had 2 adults living here that we would need to get background checks on. It all felt a little crazy. As Drew and I were discussing what to say to our new social worker when we called her back we both had to laugh. We had prayed that God would close doors - and it appeared he was slamming them shut all around us. We had also prayed that our house would be a place of refuge and healing - which it has been in both cases but that would be a whole separate blog. It was obvious to us that God was still in control even if we couldn't understand the outcome.
People would ask us, "So what is happening on the adoption front?" Our reply is "We have adopted a 50 year old and a 20 year old." Not exactly what they are expecting to hear but that is who has found refuge in our home and we love them both.
Actually it was difficult at first to believe that we would be able to go to Africa together. Circumstances alone made me doubt that we would ever be able to come up with the money that is needed. I at one point had believed so strongly that God would want us to adopt children. When it didn't happen, it left me wondering if I had heard from him at all. I wanted to have the faith that God would provide a way to go to Cameroon but at the same time I felt uncertain based on the past. I may never know why God chose to close doors on what we thought was his will, but I do not regret that we took the steps of obedience in trying to reach that goal.
Back in 2006, Drew and I had attended an adoption informational meeting thinking we would love to adopt internationally. Well, to be honest, I wanted to adopt internationally. Drew was along to get information and hadn't given it too much thought. Ever since I was young I had been drawn to other cultures. Drew and I had been to Mexico, Honduras, Dominican Republic and Africa and the children were always the thing that impacted me the most. After our informational meeting that evening in January 2006, I saw my husband gain a new passion for the orphans. I knew it was serious when he went home and wrote more than a page in his journal. We both believed that we would one day be the parents of a child from another country. As we prayed about it, the biggest decision was what agency to go through. I searched the internet and asked everyone I knew who had adopted internationally. International adoption is very expensive but we were doing pretty well at the time and knew that God would provide for us if this was his leading. The week that we sent our application in to the agency still seems unreal. We sent in the paperwork and a few days later Drew got a call that he no longer had a job. He had worked as a foreman in the concrete business for the same company for 17 years. Our application was not accepted due to the job loss, we had to put a hold on our plans for international adoption.
We continued to pray about adopting and the thought burned in my heart all the time. The next couple of years were tough ones for our family. Our teenage son brought us through some difficult days with the choices he was making. The good that came out of that was how much we learned as parents. His teen years actually highlighted many things in our parenting that could use improvement. Our 3 younger children have definitely benefited from the support group we attended during those long years. I also believed that the training we got during that time was good preparation for bringing adopted children into our lives. We had some things happen with our younger boys that had us on our knees as well. It just felt like we could barely catch our breath and something else was happening. Through it all Drew and I were there for each other and clung to Jesus like never before. I have never felt such an intense battle going on around me. It was also during some of the worst of this time that my Mom's illness took a turn and she died suddenly. God knew all the things that we would be going through and spared us from bringing a child into the middle of our chaos. It would have been very difficult for any child to come into this and understand that it had nothing to do with them. Obviously, the time was now for us to focus on our family and on helping our children deal with grief as well as walk that unknown path myself.
Time went on and I realized that things were calm around our home again. The kids were growing, Chris was on his own and we were not getting any younger. Drew had been working but not making nearly the money he had been making, so International adoption was out of the question. My heart still yearned for the orphan. Every time I read a verse about orphans I prayed that God would show us a way to bring one (or more) into our home. Drew and I decided we were at a better place and should pursue adoption again. MN Waiting kids seemed like a great place to start once we realized how many kids right here in Minnesota need good homes. We applied with an agency and started jumping through all the hoops that need to happen before bringing a child into your home. Drew missed days of work for training and we were assigned a social worker. She was wonderful and we spent lots of time with her. Our children also had a social worker assigned to them to see if they were on board with our adoption plans. They all were but all 3 of the younger ones just wanted to make sure the child wasn't too noisy - we laughed pretty hard about that because they are pretty noisy themselves. We spent money on back ground checks and fingerprinting. We made sure our house was up to code and checked off everything that was required of us. Then we waited... and waited. We got several calls but never second calls. Life was going along quite fast and we just knew it was all in God's timing so we were not worried. We even had a bunch of our closest friends and family come over for a support meeting and a chance for our social worker to see the awesome people we have surrounding us. During all of this we prayed constantly that God would use our home to be a place of refuge and a place of healing. We prayed that he would close any doors that would not be the best for our family. We prayed for the children that we hadn't yet met but who we couldn't wait to love. We prayed for protection for our children as well as any child coming into our home. We prayed that we could be the best parents, ready to meet any challenge.
After almost 3 years of classes, preparing and waiting, it was once again time to renew our fingerprints and back ground study. This costs money so we were wondering how many more times we would have to do this. One day we received a call that our social worker had been laid off, as well as 12 other social workers. We were shocked - not only because we really had grown to care for her but because she had been there 20 years. Our new social worker called and said she wanted to meet with us and since our paper work was 3 years old, she thought it would be best to start over with the paper work. I felt so discouraged because it is so much work to fill out all those papers. I told her I would call her back after I talked it over with Drew. The next day my older brother called and asked if he could live with us for a while. We had 2 empty bedrooms so we invited him to stay as long as he needed. A few days later, Drew's brother's daughter called. She was in college and her housing fell through so she needed a place to stay. The basement room by my daughter's was available and so she moved in. Suddenly our house was full and we had 2 adults living here that we would need to get background checks on. It all felt a little crazy. As Drew and I were discussing what to say to our new social worker when we called her back we both had to laugh. We had prayed that God would close doors - and it appeared he was slamming them shut all around us. We had also prayed that our house would be a place of refuge and healing - which it has been in both cases but that would be a whole separate blog. It was obvious to us that God was still in control even if we couldn't understand the outcome.
People would ask us, "So what is happening on the adoption front?" Our reply is "We have adopted a 50 year old and a 20 year old." Not exactly what they are expecting to hear but that is who has found refuge in our home and we love them both.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Time for Squats
Exercising is not my favorite thing, but I have been making an effort so that I will be strong for working in Africa. One exercise that needs to be worked on before we go is the "squat". I informed the kids today that we would be working hard on this skill for the next 8 weeks so that we would be prepared for our trip. Met with puzzled looks, I then informed them that not all toilets are the same and they would be happy if they have their squatting technique perfected before we leave. I'm sure they were thinking "How bad can it be?" since we have camped ever since they were young.
Camping in Minnesota may have flush toilets but most rustic campsites are lucky if they have a pit toilet (and sometimes with snakes crawling around in the bottom). We have had our share of nasty bathrooms in gas stations across the country. I'm not much of a germ-a-phobic but some bathrooms are just not sanitary. I remember as a child crying and refusing to use a pit toilet no matter how hard my Mom tried to persuade me. I don't know if I was afraid I would fall in or what, but I held it an awful long time.
Drew and I were in Africa back in 2005 and one of my biggest regrets was not getting photos of all the different toilets we came across. Don't get me wrong, Africa has flush toilets, just not always when you need one. Road trips leave you at the mercy of whatever you come across when the urge hits. I remember one rest stop where there was an attendant and he motioned us women to the MEN'S room. He insisted, so we went. Later we discovered he was being very kind to us foreigners since the women's room was a "long-drop" - or basically a hole in the ground. The men's room was much like any gas station bathroom you would find in America, flush toilet and all. The squat toilets or "long-drops" are fairly common throughout Africa and we just do not have our thigh muscles strong enough to use them well. At another rest stop I walked past my husband and a few other men from our team standing at a fence facing the market area. I said "Hi" and went on my way when I realized they were all standing there doing their business (I could only see them from the waist up - it was just awkward). That was the men's room - the other side of the wall had a trough like urinal. I'm not sure why they only put up half a wall but that's what it was. Every stop we made was like a little adventure to see what kind of bathroom we would encounter. Traveling with a team can be quite a bit of fun in this regard. Can you imagine being all alone and having no one to discuss how different, dirty, stinky or gross the potty was? Many times there would be no toilet paper, so it was always good to have a companion who could share their tissue with you.
All over the world there are different rules, it's hard to keep up on them all so it's best to find out any special rules for the area you are traveling. In Africa it is considered impolite to touch the left hand of anyone. The reason is the right hand is for eating and the left hand is used for other unpleasant things (like wiping). Good to know though. It's interesting because that is such a practical reason for not touching someones left hand and many other rules are also for practical reasons. In Honduras, Mexico and the Dominican Republic, you find out immediately in the airport bathrooms that the rules have changed. The bathrooms are fairly clean but the smell is really strong. The reason is the plumbing is not adequate enough to handle toilet paper so that is just thrown (used) in the garbage next to the toilet. The smell would be much worse if everyone ignored this rule and clogged up the whole system. Actually I saw several backed up toilets in the airport because people were just unaware and they threw their toilet paper in the toilet without thinking.
People traveling to America from other cultures probably find things confusing here too. I remember one time being in the bathroom at Costco. I didn't see any feet under the door of the stall so I gently pushed the door only to find a woman with both feet on the toilet seat, squatting over the toilet. She said something (probably cursed at me) in some other language and I apologized. I didn't stand and stare but the image was burned into my mind so I had to follow it to a logical conclusion or it would just be disturbing. I realized quickly that she was from somewhere else and that this was comfortable and sanitary to her. We have friends that were in a refugee camp in Nepal for 17 years and they used pit toilets that whole time. Think of how different it must be to have flush toilets in your own apartment for the first time in your life. I noticed at one of the homes of our Bhutanese friends that they had taken the toilet seat off completely. Who needs it when your culture teaches you to squat? Maybe they think we are really different because we share toilet seats that we actually sit on, or because we spend so much time in the bathroom that we have books and magazines to read at the same time. Try doing that in the squatting position.
So if you're planning a trip anytime soon - especially to a poor area of the world - I would highly recommend you start working out those thigh muscles. Remember to have good form, if your knees are weak you don't want to have them go past your toes, try pushing back into a sitting position and keep your feet flat. If you are unsure about the toilet conditions where you are going, and you're too afraid to ask, there are lots of different online sites that can walk you through this interesting subject. By the way, November 19th is World Toilet Day! Do a set of squats to celebrate.
Camping in Minnesota may have flush toilets but most rustic campsites are lucky if they have a pit toilet (and sometimes with snakes crawling around in the bottom). We have had our share of nasty bathrooms in gas stations across the country. I'm not much of a germ-a-phobic but some bathrooms are just not sanitary. I remember as a child crying and refusing to use a pit toilet no matter how hard my Mom tried to persuade me. I don't know if I was afraid I would fall in or what, but I held it an awful long time.
Drew and I were in Africa back in 2005 and one of my biggest regrets was not getting photos of all the different toilets we came across. Don't get me wrong, Africa has flush toilets, just not always when you need one. Road trips leave you at the mercy of whatever you come across when the urge hits. I remember one rest stop where there was an attendant and he motioned us women to the MEN'S room. He insisted, so we went. Later we discovered he was being very kind to us foreigners since the women's room was a "long-drop" - or basically a hole in the ground. The men's room was much like any gas station bathroom you would find in America, flush toilet and all. The squat toilets or "long-drops" are fairly common throughout Africa and we just do not have our thigh muscles strong enough to use them well. At another rest stop I walked past my husband and a few other men from our team standing at a fence facing the market area. I said "Hi" and went on my way when I realized they were all standing there doing their business (I could only see them from the waist up - it was just awkward). That was the men's room - the other side of the wall had a trough like urinal. I'm not sure why they only put up half a wall but that's what it was. Every stop we made was like a little adventure to see what kind of bathroom we would encounter. Traveling with a team can be quite a bit of fun in this regard. Can you imagine being all alone and having no one to discuss how different, dirty, stinky or gross the potty was? Many times there would be no toilet paper, so it was always good to have a companion who could share their tissue with you.
All over the world there are different rules, it's hard to keep up on them all so it's best to find out any special rules for the area you are traveling. In Africa it is considered impolite to touch the left hand of anyone. The reason is the right hand is for eating and the left hand is used for other unpleasant things (like wiping). Good to know though. It's interesting because that is such a practical reason for not touching someones left hand and many other rules are also for practical reasons. In Honduras, Mexico and the Dominican Republic, you find out immediately in the airport bathrooms that the rules have changed. The bathrooms are fairly clean but the smell is really strong. The reason is the plumbing is not adequate enough to handle toilet paper so that is just thrown (used) in the garbage next to the toilet. The smell would be much worse if everyone ignored this rule and clogged up the whole system. Actually I saw several backed up toilets in the airport because people were just unaware and they threw their toilet paper in the toilet without thinking.
People traveling to America from other cultures probably find things confusing here too. I remember one time being in the bathroom at Costco. I didn't see any feet under the door of the stall so I gently pushed the door only to find a woman with both feet on the toilet seat, squatting over the toilet. She said something (probably cursed at me) in some other language and I apologized. I didn't stand and stare but the image was burned into my mind so I had to follow it to a logical conclusion or it would just be disturbing. I realized quickly that she was from somewhere else and that this was comfortable and sanitary to her. We have friends that were in a refugee camp in Nepal for 17 years and they used pit toilets that whole time. Think of how different it must be to have flush toilets in your own apartment for the first time in your life. I noticed at one of the homes of our Bhutanese friends that they had taken the toilet seat off completely. Who needs it when your culture teaches you to squat? Maybe they think we are really different because we share toilet seats that we actually sit on, or because we spend so much time in the bathroom that we have books and magazines to read at the same time. Try doing that in the squatting position.
So if you're planning a trip anytime soon - especially to a poor area of the world - I would highly recommend you start working out those thigh muscles. Remember to have good form, if your knees are weak you don't want to have them go past your toes, try pushing back into a sitting position and keep your feet flat. If you are unsure about the toilet conditions where you are going, and you're too afraid to ask, there are lots of different online sites that can walk you through this interesting subject. By the way, November 19th is World Toilet Day! Do a set of squats to celebrate.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Onward Christian Soldiers
With Veteran's Day just around the corner, I have been thinking about those who daily serve our country. It seems a thankless job and yet where would we be without the men and women who have given up their freedom, so that we can have ours. My Dad served in the Korean War as well as Viet Nam. Growing up in a military family you expect to move around a lot. In many ways my Mom was the true hero. Each time we moved, she was the one making a new home for us while my Dad was away at war. I was only 6 years old when my Dad decided to retire after 21 years in the Air Force. I'm sure part of the decision was made because our family had 4 kids in school and my parents wanted to plant themselves for a while so we could have stability. I was young enough that I have limited memories of the adventures of living in the Philippines and Florida. My memories are tainted by my brothers perceptions of how things happened, they have always been good at telling a story, the problem is I don't know where the truth starts or ends.
Now I have a niece, Joye, that has followed that career military path that her Grandfather took. She has had to move her family to Germany recently. Her husband and 2 young boys are away from Grandparents and all things familiar while their Mom serves our country. She has since been deployed to Kuwait, while her family holds down the fort in Germany. She has missed big events, like the birth of her new little niece. This is the life she signed up for, all so we can be free as a country. It doesn't seem fair that people like her give up everything. She can't just easily leave if she doesn't like it - her life is not her own. Thank you to all of you who miss weddings, births, funerals, parties, graduations... all the things I take for granted. Thank you that you believe in this country and in our freedom enough to risk your life for it.
I was reading my Bible recently and came upon the verse in 2 Timothy 2:4 "...as Christ's soldier, do not let yourself become tied up in the affairs of this life, for then you cannot satisfy the one who enlisted you in his army". I remember singing songs as a child like "Onward Christian Soldiers" or "I'm in the Lord's Army". As a committed Christian, I say my life is surrendered, that my life is not my own. This verse challenges me. My niece had no choice once she signed up for the Army, her life was not her own. I envy her dedication and her courage. I claim to be Christ's soldier and yet I cling to my rights and my "things". I'm no different than most people in justifying my choices or giving excuses to stay in my comfortable life. I should have the same willingness to serve my God as so many men and women do to serve our country. Many of them are serving our country as a service that God has called them to. God bless them.
Now I have a niece, Joye, that has followed that career military path that her Grandfather took. She has had to move her family to Germany recently. Her husband and 2 young boys are away from Grandparents and all things familiar while their Mom serves our country. She has since been deployed to Kuwait, while her family holds down the fort in Germany. She has missed big events, like the birth of her new little niece. This is the life she signed up for, all so we can be free as a country. It doesn't seem fair that people like her give up everything. She can't just easily leave if she doesn't like it - her life is not her own. Thank you to all of you who miss weddings, births, funerals, parties, graduations... all the things I take for granted. Thank you that you believe in this country and in our freedom enough to risk your life for it.
I was reading my Bible recently and came upon the verse in 2 Timothy 2:4 "...as Christ's soldier, do not let yourself become tied up in the affairs of this life, for then you cannot satisfy the one who enlisted you in his army". I remember singing songs as a child like "Onward Christian Soldiers" or "I'm in the Lord's Army". As a committed Christian, I say my life is surrendered, that my life is not my own. This verse challenges me. My niece had no choice once she signed up for the Army, her life was not her own. I envy her dedication and her courage. I claim to be Christ's soldier and yet I cling to my rights and my "things". I'm no different than most people in justifying my choices or giving excuses to stay in my comfortable life. I should have the same willingness to serve my God as so many men and women do to serve our country. Many of them are serving our country as a service that God has called them to. God bless them.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Jumping Out of the Box
This past year our family made a huge leap of faith and canceled our health insurance. Before you jump to the conclusion that we have been very foolish, let me explain.
I have been raised in a family that fortunately has always had a good health care plan. I don't remember ever having to think about it growing up. I was current on all my vaccinations, went to the doctor when needed, visited the dentist twice a year, wore braces for 2 years, all without a thought or care of who covered the costs involved. Right out of college I got a job with National Car Rental. I had wonderful benefits, this being in the mid-80's there was basically 100% coverage and no deductible. I remember feeling a little put off when I had to start paying a $10 copay each time I visited the doctor's office. When Chris was born, all my medical expenses were covered in full. The biggest decision I had to make was which plan to go with since there were 3 or 4 options to choose from. Twenty-five years ago I started going to our neighborhood clinic where all 4 of my children have received their health care needs. I know the people there and it feels comfortable.
When Kyle was born I made the decision to quit my job of 12 years and be a stay home Mom. The hardest part of that decision for Drew and I was losing the benefits of my health insurance. Even though it was a leap of faith, we did have cobra coverage for the first 18 months (although at a much higher rate). When our 18 months was just coming to an end, Drew's employer started offering health insurance for the first time in 50 years. We were so excited! The excitement soon ended when we realized that the insurances this small company could offer were nothing compared to what I had from a large national company. We struggled along for a while and finally started looking independently. We found a very competitive insurance through a friend of ours. Insurance options had changed over the years and we chose a plan that had a high deductible but would still cover us for anything big. We rarely went to the doctor so this was a good fit for our growing family. The monthly fee was relatively low and we were able to stay with our same clinic and hospital that we had always had.
Life went on and we really didn't think much of our insurance, it was just another bill to pay each month. The first few years the rates did not change much but then we started seeing a trend of large increases every spring. This past spring our insurance again jumped and we realized it was almost twice what it had been when we originally signed up years ago. This wasn't because we overused it, we hardly used it at all. It was just a sign of our times of ever increasing insurance fees. I know most of you have experienced this same thing. If you haven't, count yourself blessed. I'm not very political and I know health care issues are a huge source of debate. What I do know is that something needed to change in our house in order for us to meet the needs of our family. I didn't trust someone in Washington DC to make a change for us - they don't even know us.
A year earlier I had heard from a friend about a Christian Health Sharing program called Samaritan Ministries International. The idea is that the members bear one anothers health care burdens by praying, encouraging and sharing the cost of needs. I remember being very intrigued by the idea but thinking it was too radical, mostly because all I knew was my comfortable HMO. I read through all the literature and testimonials but lacked the faith to go for it. Drew and I just went on paying our ever increasing health premium because that seemed safer.
This past spring as we were planning our upcoming trip to Africa, trying to find ways to cut costs in our expenses, I was reminded of SMI. I dug out the information and started praying for direction. Finally it just became obvious we needed to jump in with both feet when our insurance premium jumped up another $100/month. I'm so thankful we got the kick in the pants to go for it. What a pleasant surprise it has been. SMI is based on the Biblical principles of believers in Jesus Christ meeting the needs of other believers by sharing their burdens. I'm simplifying it but if you want all the details please go to their website and learn more. (www.samaritanministries.org). Each month we receive a newsletter with a prayer directory of members with a need. There are about 18,000 members at this time. Each member is assigned a family to "share" their need - our family gives $320 a month towards another family's need. This is half of what our premium was on our HMO. Along with our share, we send a card and lift up a prayer for whatever need is posted. There are lots of new babies coming so many times it's just a praise and prayer for a healthy delivery. The newletter also gives ideas on cutting costs if you have an upcoming surgery or other alternative medicines that may be helpful in different circumstances. SMI does not tell you what to do, they trust that you will make the wisest decision and be good stewards with the money God has provided. The process to join is pretty thorough too, so I feel confident that it's a safe alternative. I have been so impressed with the whole process and wish that more people knew of this. I know there are other similar ministries out there that are good, I can only speak from my experience with SMI.
Last month, Levi fell on a garden stake and cut his neck open. We rushed to Mercy Hospital, into their critical care unit without a thought of how it would be covered. The care we got there was amazing and it all worked out well. After the cat scan showed that the stake missed Levi's trachea by only 1/4 inch, all they had to do was sew it up. I asked for a discount since we would be paying in cash and found that it was quite a large discount. When a need is posted, SMI asks that you pay the first $300 and the members will share the rest of the fees. Since I did the calling and asking for the cash discount, they took our $300 off of the discount. The original bill just for the emergency room was over $1800 but after the discount we only owed $777! The other bills also gave discounts, mostly about 15%. What a blessing to not have to pay any of this and have people praying for us.
One of the things that has struck me over the months that we have had SMI is how stuck I am in my old way of doing things. I've "always" gone to the same clinic and it had never occurred to go elsewhere. I feel like I have so much freedom now with SMI but I'm trapped only by my old way of thinking. Kind of like an animal that has always lived in a fenced in area, one day the fence comes down and the animal doesn't even notice but continues living the same as always. I encourage you to think outside the box when it comes to your families health care needs and check out the SMI website for more information. Another cool thing about SMI is that we are no longer funding "choice" problems: health problems caused by drugs, alcohol, smoking and SMI does not fund abortions or other things that are contrary to our beliefs. I'm thankful to be partnered with a program that honors all life and strives to give glory to God!
I have been raised in a family that fortunately has always had a good health care plan. I don't remember ever having to think about it growing up. I was current on all my vaccinations, went to the doctor when needed, visited the dentist twice a year, wore braces for 2 years, all without a thought or care of who covered the costs involved. Right out of college I got a job with National Car Rental. I had wonderful benefits, this being in the mid-80's there was basically 100% coverage and no deductible. I remember feeling a little put off when I had to start paying a $10 copay each time I visited the doctor's office. When Chris was born, all my medical expenses were covered in full. The biggest decision I had to make was which plan to go with since there were 3 or 4 options to choose from. Twenty-five years ago I started going to our neighborhood clinic where all 4 of my children have received their health care needs. I know the people there and it feels comfortable.
When Kyle was born I made the decision to quit my job of 12 years and be a stay home Mom. The hardest part of that decision for Drew and I was losing the benefits of my health insurance. Even though it was a leap of faith, we did have cobra coverage for the first 18 months (although at a much higher rate). When our 18 months was just coming to an end, Drew's employer started offering health insurance for the first time in 50 years. We were so excited! The excitement soon ended when we realized that the insurances this small company could offer were nothing compared to what I had from a large national company. We struggled along for a while and finally started looking independently. We found a very competitive insurance through a friend of ours. Insurance options had changed over the years and we chose a plan that had a high deductible but would still cover us for anything big. We rarely went to the doctor so this was a good fit for our growing family. The monthly fee was relatively low and we were able to stay with our same clinic and hospital that we had always had.
Life went on and we really didn't think much of our insurance, it was just another bill to pay each month. The first few years the rates did not change much but then we started seeing a trend of large increases every spring. This past spring our insurance again jumped and we realized it was almost twice what it had been when we originally signed up years ago. This wasn't because we overused it, we hardly used it at all. It was just a sign of our times of ever increasing insurance fees. I know most of you have experienced this same thing. If you haven't, count yourself blessed. I'm not very political and I know health care issues are a huge source of debate. What I do know is that something needed to change in our house in order for us to meet the needs of our family. I didn't trust someone in Washington DC to make a change for us - they don't even know us.
A year earlier I had heard from a friend about a Christian Health Sharing program called Samaritan Ministries International. The idea is that the members bear one anothers health care burdens by praying, encouraging and sharing the cost of needs. I remember being very intrigued by the idea but thinking it was too radical, mostly because all I knew was my comfortable HMO. I read through all the literature and testimonials but lacked the faith to go for it. Drew and I just went on paying our ever increasing health premium because that seemed safer.
This past spring as we were planning our upcoming trip to Africa, trying to find ways to cut costs in our expenses, I was reminded of SMI. I dug out the information and started praying for direction. Finally it just became obvious we needed to jump in with both feet when our insurance premium jumped up another $100/month. I'm so thankful we got the kick in the pants to go for it. What a pleasant surprise it has been. SMI is based on the Biblical principles of believers in Jesus Christ meeting the needs of other believers by sharing their burdens. I'm simplifying it but if you want all the details please go to their website and learn more. (www.samaritanministries.org). Each month we receive a newsletter with a prayer directory of members with a need. There are about 18,000 members at this time. Each member is assigned a family to "share" their need - our family gives $320 a month towards another family's need. This is half of what our premium was on our HMO. Along with our share, we send a card and lift up a prayer for whatever need is posted. There are lots of new babies coming so many times it's just a praise and prayer for a healthy delivery. The newletter also gives ideas on cutting costs if you have an upcoming surgery or other alternative medicines that may be helpful in different circumstances. SMI does not tell you what to do, they trust that you will make the wisest decision and be good stewards with the money God has provided. The process to join is pretty thorough too, so I feel confident that it's a safe alternative. I have been so impressed with the whole process and wish that more people knew of this. I know there are other similar ministries out there that are good, I can only speak from my experience with SMI.
Last month, Levi fell on a garden stake and cut his neck open. We rushed to Mercy Hospital, into their critical care unit without a thought of how it would be covered. The care we got there was amazing and it all worked out well. After the cat scan showed that the stake missed Levi's trachea by only 1/4 inch, all they had to do was sew it up. I asked for a discount since we would be paying in cash and found that it was quite a large discount. When a need is posted, SMI asks that you pay the first $300 and the members will share the rest of the fees. Since I did the calling and asking for the cash discount, they took our $300 off of the discount. The original bill just for the emergency room was over $1800 but after the discount we only owed $777! The other bills also gave discounts, mostly about 15%. What a blessing to not have to pay any of this and have people praying for us.
One of the things that has struck me over the months that we have had SMI is how stuck I am in my old way of doing things. I've "always" gone to the same clinic and it had never occurred to go elsewhere. I feel like I have so much freedom now with SMI but I'm trapped only by my old way of thinking. Kind of like an animal that has always lived in a fenced in area, one day the fence comes down and the animal doesn't even notice but continues living the same as always. I encourage you to think outside the box when it comes to your families health care needs and check out the SMI website for more information. Another cool thing about SMI is that we are no longer funding "choice" problems: health problems caused by drugs, alcohol, smoking and SMI does not fund abortions or other things that are contrary to our beliefs. I'm thankful to be partnered with a program that honors all life and strives to give glory to God!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Still Obsessing over the Tumbu Fly
I thought about posting a video from Youtube about these flies that lay their eggs on laundry. The videos show what happens when the larvae burrow into your skin... honestly, I wasn't able to finish watching any of them. Just the little bit I saw haunts me. The interesting thing is, millions of people live around the tumbu fly everyday of their life and it's no big deal. I understand that all you need to do is iron your clothes to kill these eggs yet I still obsess. Maybe it's because I've heard the electricity where we are going is unreliable, sometimes off for days or even weeks at a time. Iron's require electricity. We had the opportunity to hang out with Josh and Audra Cadd yesterday. They are missionaries with Wycliffe Associates on furlough from Kenya, Africa. As I was talking to Josh and Audra I told them my fear of this larvae getting under my skin. Josh calmly said, "You just squeeze it out." Just like a zit, the worm is out and life goes on. (Anyone else besides me squirming?) He really had a point, that is just a little thing and you need to deal with it and move on.
Drew and I celebrated our 18th anniversary yesterday. Honestly, over the years there have been things Drew has done that have "gotten under my skin". To be fair, there have been things that I have done to "get under his skin". If I obsessed,or when I have obsessed over these little things, it has put a strain in our relationship. It's when we "squeeze it out" that we are able to move on to the more important things in life. I think this is true in any relationship. When we dwell on little things pretty soon it destroys the unity and becomes a festering wound in our relationship. One of the ways we have kept our marriage strong is by being quick to forgive. We know that we are not each others enemies and so we believe the best in each other. When I notice that I am obsessing about all the things that are "bugging" me about Drew, I instead shift my thoughts to all the things I am thankful for... and the list is long!
Colossians 3: 12-14
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
As we look forward to our time in Africa, I know we will make some amazing relationships with the people we meet. I'm not going to let a pesky little fly get in the way.
Drew and I celebrated our 18th anniversary yesterday. Honestly, over the years there have been things Drew has done that have "gotten under my skin". To be fair, there have been things that I have done to "get under his skin". If I obsessed,or when I have obsessed over these little things, it has put a strain in our relationship. It's when we "squeeze it out" that we are able to move on to the more important things in life. I think this is true in any relationship. When we dwell on little things pretty soon it destroys the unity and becomes a festering wound in our relationship. One of the ways we have kept our marriage strong is by being quick to forgive. We know that we are not each others enemies and so we believe the best in each other. When I notice that I am obsessing about all the things that are "bugging" me about Drew, I instead shift my thoughts to all the things I am thankful for... and the list is long!
Colossians 3: 12-14
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
As we look forward to our time in Africa, I know we will make some amazing relationships with the people we meet. I'm not going to let a pesky little fly get in the way.
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